50th birthday jokes-Funny jokes for 50th birthday

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• "Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age." ~ Victor Hugo.

• Diet for 50-year-olds: if it tastes good, spit it out.

• Prayer for turning 50: God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the people I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

• Don’t be depressed about turning 50 – you’re still young enough to do the things you really want to. So go ahead and put your adult kids up for adoption.

• Now that you’ve turned 50, you can stop calling them “laugh lines.” Nothing is that funny.

• When he turned 50, Fred decided to get a complete physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, But you know Doc, God must know my eyesight is going because he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done.” After Fred left, the doctor called his wife and told her what Fred said. She diagnosed the problem for him. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.”

• You know you’re 50 when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

• Fifty is the age you find out that Victoria’s secret was that nobody your age can fit into a thong.

• You know you’re 50 when you sign off your tweets with OMMR – On My Massage Recliner.

• How do you know when you’re 50? First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.

• "The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." ~ T. S. Eliot.