Friday, July 27, 2012

Birthday Jokes

In Search of "birthday jokes". Than u are at right place here u can find a good collection of "birthday jokes" . a collection of "birthday jokes" that can make some one laugh . "birthday jokes" can also be used to make any one laugh. our collection of "birthday jokes" is not intended to hurt any one . our collection of "birthday jokes" is just for humour.




  • Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
  • Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
  • A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age.
  • Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said I needed an upgrade. 
  •  The old lady was being interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 110th birthday. "What do you think is the reason for your long life?" they asked her. "Oh," she replied, "I suppose it's because I was born such a long time ago."
  • Q: What do you always get on your birthday? A: Another year older!
  • Q: What did the elephant wish for on his birthday? A: A trunk full of gifts!
  • Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?" His employees replied, "No." Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?" His employees replied again, "No." Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?" His workers responded, "A puppy."
  • A Story from Soupy Sales: It's a hot day--there's a traveling salesman passing through a small town in Texas when he sees a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a house. So he stops and says to the little old man, "You look as if you don't have a care in the world! What's your formula for a long and happy life?" And the little old man says, "Well, I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night; I don't get to bed until four in the morning." And the guy says, "Wow, that's just great. How old are you?" And the little man says, "Twenty-two."

21st Birthday jokes- funny 21st birthday jokes for Female

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  • Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
  • At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.
  • "You're 21 now, so you can drink. Just think in 14 years you can become president of the United States. Just because you can do something doesn't mean it's a good idea to try. Happy Birthday."
  • Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing 21st Birthday family tradition. His father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Bubba's 21st birthday came around, he and his mate Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat, and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he said, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and answered, "Because your father, your grandfather, and your great-grandfather were born in January,when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dumb ass."
  • All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.
  • When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself.
  • At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.

60th birthday jokes-Funny/humorous 60th Birthay jokes for men

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  • 1.When you sleep, people worry you’re dead. 
  • Your back goes out more than you do. 
  • Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and aren’t breaking any laws. 
  • You wear black socks with sandals. 
  • When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. 
  • It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. 
  • Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr. 
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going. 
  • Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot. 
  • You forgot that you already had your 60th birthday.
  • For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.
  • One starts to get young at the age of sixty and then it is too late.
  • The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
  • You've heard of the three ages of man - youth, middle age, and "you're looking wonderful".
  • Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

40th Birthday jokes-Happy/Funny jokes about birthday for men

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  • "Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies." 
  • 40 is only 18 years old with 22 years of experience 
  • You know you're forty when police men start looking like teenagers 
  • You know you're forty when your friends start becoming grand parents 
  • Life begins an forty, so does middle age spread and cataracts! 
  • Remember where you've been forget where your going. It'll only scare you. 
  • Only 87,600 hours until you're 50 
  • Be very glad it's not your 50th 
  • Old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway 
  • Now your forty, hit the town and party til dawn 
  • You know you're forty when pensions start becoming interesting 
  • Did it only take 40 years to look as good as that
  • A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her 40th birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and thistime he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
  • "I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you." "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?" "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"

Thursday, July 26, 2012

50th birthday jokes-Funny jokes for 50th birthday


In Search of "50th birthday jokes". Than u are at right place here u can find a good collection of "birthday jokes 50th" . a collection of "jokes about 50th birthday" that can make some one laugh . "jokes 50th birthday" can also be used to make any one laugh. our collection of "jokes for 50th birthday" is not intended to hurt any one . our collection of "funny jokes for 50th birthday" is just for humour.




  • "Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age." ~ Victor Hugo.
  • Diet for 50-year-olds: if it tastes good, spit it out.
  • Prayer for turning 50: God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the people I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
  • Don’t be depressed about turning 50 – you’re still young enough to do the things you really want to. So go ahead and put your adult kids up for adoption.
  • Now that you’ve turned 50, you can stop calling them “laugh lines.” Nothing is that funny.
  • When he turned 50, Fred decided to get a complete physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, But you know Doc, God must know my eyesight is going because he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done.” After Fred left, the doctor called his wife and told her what Fred said. She diagnosed the problem for him. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.”
  • You know you’re 50 when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
  • Fifty is the age you find out that Victoria’s secret was that nobody your age can fit into a thong.
  • You know you’re 50 when you sign off your tweets with OMMR – On My Massage Recliner.
  • How do you know when you’re 50? First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.
  • "The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." ~ T. S. Eliot.

Happy Birthday Jokes-funny/dirty Happy birthday jokes

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  • Q: Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? A: Because people kept toasting him!
  • Q: "Were any famous men born on your birthday?" A: "No, only little babies."
  • Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
  • Q: What was the average age of a cave man? A: Stone Age!
  • Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A: Because it was marble cake!
  • A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 25!". The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie". The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?" "Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"

Funny Birthday Jokes - Funny Jokes For birthday/happy birthday

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  • The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • Time and tide wait for no sandcastle, no matter how well it's built.
  • All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts. --William Shakespeare
  • What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays.
  • Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
  • What does every birthday end with? Y!
  • I much prefer being over the hill to being under it.
  • The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet...
  • Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.
  • When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
  • It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don't know", she said. "Just give me something with diamonds". That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
  • What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays.

30th Birthday jokes- funny/Happy jokes for 30th Birthday



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  • How old is your wife? Approaching forty. From which direction?
  • It was my 30th birthday and I wasn't feeling too great when I woke up that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone "Happy Birthday." I figured, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." I felt a little better - at least someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go. We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment, she smiled at me and said, "If you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." Mad at my wife for forgetting about my birthday, not to mention that Janet was quite beautiful, I felt justified in staying. "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a few minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday... and there I sat on the couch... without clothes
  • The I just woke up face of your 30's is the all day long face of your 40's.